What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
