just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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