Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
