Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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