no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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