He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The uberlube is also flammable
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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