Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
