Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
