He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
