I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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