And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
wrigley field is MILF paradise
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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