you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
