1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
