I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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