um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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