I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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