Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
