He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
