You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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