I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
