I am midnight drunk by noon
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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