hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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