If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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