Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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