and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
