He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
