My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
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I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
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Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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