I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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