Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
