How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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