my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have tasted many bathrooms
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