If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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