So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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