Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
