Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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