so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
