Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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