He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
