your room smells of hookers.
And success
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
