she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
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You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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