I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
