Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
