OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
