I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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