I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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