did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
