I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
