if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
