I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
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