Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
