I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
