here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
