and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
