idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
