u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
