I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
