I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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