Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
