he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
