The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
