I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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