This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm lost and stupid without you.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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