I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
