and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
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ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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