Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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