Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
