just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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