Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Randomize
