If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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