just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
