I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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