Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
