Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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