Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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