This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just blew my weed a kiss
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
