I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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